One-third of American seniors are lonely, according to the National Poll on Healthy Aging conducted by the University of Michigan. Social isolation and loneliness can impact the physical and mental health of older adults, increasing the risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke, anxiety and depression. Understanding the root causes and exploring new opportunities to socialize can help.
Why older people feel lonely
Loneliness may seem as straightforward as spending too much time alone. However, it is more complex, especially with seniors. Research shows people can still feel very lonely despite not spending much time by themselves. Here are some reasons older people will feel lonely:
Loss of routine. As people age, they often struggle to adapt to a loss of familiar routines that once provided socialization. While retiring can bring new freedom, it also means no longer seeing co-workers. Older adults may miss caring for their children and grandchildren as they grow up, gain independence and move away. Lacking a routine can increase boredom and limit distractions from loneliness.
Loss of loved ones. Aging often means observing the gradual loss of friends. Receiving frequent news about a shrinking social circle can be incredibly disheartening as primary sources of emotional support disappear. While grieving, older adults must grapple with the reality of death and may sometimes feel like the “only one left.” Additionally, seniors may find it challenging to form new meaningful relationships due to limited opportunities and the unique nature of lifelong bonds that cannot be easily replaced. The death of a long-term partner leads to intense feelings and may cause isolation due to no longer being able to share experiences.
Separation from family. Many adult children today decide to move away from home, often to different cities and states far from their parents. Visits and phone calls from family members might be rare for an older adult. When communication is lacking, seniors may feel disconnected and unsupported.
Social anxiety. Changes that occur as people age can create social anxiety. Hearing and memory loss make it harder to understand others and feel understood. Many older adults fear judgment or embarrassment if they use mobility aids such as canes or walkers. They also might feel uncomfortable talking to younger people because of unfamiliarity with new slang, technology and pop culture.
Changing identity. The shift from active roles in work, family and community to a less active lifestyle can result in a loss of purpose and self-worth. Many seniors question their usefulness or value, which can erode their self-image. The identities they once held as professionals may no longer apply, leading to a sense of disorientation and disconnection from their past selves. This internal struggle can be compounded by societal attitudes that often marginalize the older adults, reinforcing feelings of invisibility and irrelevance.
Lack of mobility. Older adults are sometimes unable to be as mobile as they used to be. Driving may no longer be possible. Having to use a wheelchair or walker presents challenges for seeing others, leaving older adults to wait for people to visit them.
Fear. Especially after undergoing a medical emergency such as a stroke or a bad fall, older adults might fear hurting themselves again. They may not wish to drive, go out in public or exert too much energy. Feeling they must stay home can lead to isolation and loneliness.
Ways to combat loneliness
Finding solutions requires action by these older adults and assistance from their loved ones. This deeply personal process will differ depending on the causes of loneliness and individual circumstances. Steps seniors can take include:
Acknowledging your feelings. Ignoring your loneliness will not help. Loneliness is not shameful, and being lonely does not define your personality. Recognize that you are lonely and consider why. Understanding the causes of your loneliness will help you find the best ways to combat it.
Building resilience. Aging brings change, but you can adapt and meet challenges with strength. Many people find that practicing mindfulness and shifting their perspective to look forward instead of backward helps them accept their new reality. It is OK to miss aspects of youth, but remember life still has so much to offer.
Embracing technology. Learning how to use smart devices and access the internet helps with communication and connection. These skills allow you to email loved ones, search for upcoming events and access social groups relating to your interests. Local community centers and libraries often teach digital skills if you do not have a friend or family member who can assist.
Engaging in hobbies. Find activities that help you feel fulfilled and reduce the boredom that leads to loneliness. Do things that bring you joy, such as playing an instrument, writing, reading, walking or painting. Even if age has made it more challenging to do things you once loved, there are infinite hobbies to try, and you can find something new that will excite you. If you need inspiration, search for ideas online or join a class.
Being proactive. Making the first move is crucial because it can break the cycle of isolation and foster meaningful connections. Take control of your social life by communicating that you would like to connect more. Reaching out reminds others that you value their company. Schedule regular phone calls, online chats or visits with friends and family members. Continue reaching out until you feel satisfied with your connections.
Seeking new connections. The benefits of socializing will outweigh the initial anxiety and challenges. Spending time with others can bring happiness and remind you of your worth. Volunteering is an excellent way to meet people, and service can give you purpose and raise your self-esteem and confidence. Local community centers and libraries often offer opportunities to others. Even if transportation or mobility are of concern, online activities and classes are possible ways to connect.
Ways loved ones can help
Reach out. Find time to make a phone call or visit your older loved one. Schedule regular calls and meetings to make them feel remembered and valued. It may be helpful to prepare by writing a few questions or topics you would like to discuss. Sending cards and gifts can also be a terrific way to show your love.
Listen. Most people just want to feel heard and understood. Actively listen and express interest in what your older loved one is saying. Seniors have wisdom and experience that often goes unappreciated. Ask questions about their lives, hobbies, opinions and feelings. Simply being there to listen and offer emotional support can make a significant difference. Showing empathy and understanding helps seniors feel less alone in their experiences.
Use social media. Consider introducing your loved one to social media platforms so they can follow the activities of friends and loved ones, and easily message each other. When they are active on social media, you can keep up on each other's lives.
Do activities together. Enjoy common interests with your loved one that are fun to do together. This can be something as simple as reading the same book and sharing your thoughts with each other. Also engage in activities outside the home, like visiting a museum or the park, or traveling together if it is possible.
Consider senior living. If your loved one needs additional support you are unable to provide, research whether they may benefit from living in a senior community. Older adults often find living in these communities gives them a sense of belonging because they have more support and opportunities to socialize.